Hidden Time
by night.ixora
Summary: The Doctor and River's final meeting in the library (SitL and FotD) as seen through River's eyes.
1. The Beginning of the End

_Oh, this face is always much prettier in person._ River Song thought excitedly as she gazed through her visor at the younger yet older doctor. Her heart skipped in anticipation as she stepped up to his scowling face. "Hello, sweetie."

"Get out," the Doctor commanded. He began shouting orders, but River ignored him, trying to sort out a way to get him alone. She couldn't help letting her eyes rove over this interesting incarnation. Her eyebrow arched as he continued to bark out information and instructions. He was treating her like a stranger. Odd. A feeling of uneasy settled heavily in her stomach. He must have a reason, though. Her Doctor always did.

"I'm a time traveler. I point and laugh at archeologist."

What a tease. Might as well play along. She smiled sharply, extending her hand. "Ah. Professor River Song, archaeologist." She let him launch into another rant and tried to coax her expedition into obeying. _Boy, he is mouthy in this form too. Adorable._ Her affection grew against her will. She was fond of his other face. The face that travelled with her mother and father. The face she loved and married, but his younger face now, here was another facet, another glimpse into the man she was hopelessly entwined with. River Song knew she loved him too. Then of course, it really didn't hurt that he had prostrated himself on the library floor with his cute backside sticking straight into the air. "Pretty boy! You're with me. Step into my office."

Finally, alone. She dug out the journal: their life together. This was always the most exciting part; at least she tried to convince herself of that. Exciting was better than sad. Tracing back to where they were together, wrangling their wandering timelines. The book was nearly full. Why had she not noticed that before? She tucked the thought away and allowed her fingers to roam the pages. He cleared his throat.

Guess he wanted her to stroke his ego. "Thanks."

"For what?"

Wanted to drag it out from her then? _He is so cute when he declares he isn't going to rescue me every time. _River thought smugly. Yet her Doctor never failed to find her. "The usual. Coming when I call."

"That was you?"

Irritation pricked at her. Sometimes the Doctor forgot that teasing could turn so mean. She made as much peace as she could with the fact that was a tiny sliver of his life, could only be a fraction of his existence. Being forgotten was a fear that gnawed at her thoughts whenever he wasn't with her. The unkindness was out of line even if she did call him a little abruptly. Maybe she didn't like this face as much as she thought. "You're doing a very good job of acting like you don't know me. I am assuming there's a reason," she said sharply. She ignored his snide response and quickly changed the topic when she knew the hurt was getting a little too deep.

River took a moment to take in his face. Although she knew immediately when she saw this younger face that she was in his past, she scanned his face for any recognition. Her heart faltered when he stared back evenly. No. No. That's what the diaries were for. There might be a game he's playing or a plan. She picked something early in their timeline together.

"Okay, shall we do diaries then? Where are we this time? Ah, going by your face, I'd say it's early days for you, yeah? So, um—crash of the Byzantium. Have we done that yet?" His face was achingly blank, and he said nothing.

She flipped earlier. "Obviously ringing no bells. Right, um - oh, picnic at Asgard." Her mind flashed back to that. The flowers he picked for her. Her face softened at the memory. "Have we done Asgard yet?" She looked up at him hopefully. The blankness that continued to stare back at her rocked her to her core. A desperate despair began to pull at her. "Obviously not." Her movements became a little more frantic. No. No. No. There has to be something. Some event. Something that would bring him back to her. A connection. "Blimey, very early days, then. Hoo! Life with a time traveler—never knew it could be **such** hard work. Um..." Her brain floundered, trying to remember anything and everything. There was nothing. She looked up one more time, hoping against everything she knew that her Doctor would be smiling at her, know her, _love _her. She wanted him to give her his cheeky smile, laugh, and say something provoking to make her slap him.

There was _nothing_.

"Look at you," River whispered. Hope was such a tremulously thing. "You're **young**." She could feel tears gathering.

"I'm really not, you know."

"No, but you **are**." She tentatively cupped his face and stroked his hair as if her touch could brand her memory into him. River marveled at this young Doctor, trying to see her husband in his face. "Your eyes. You're younger than I've ever seen you."

"You've—seen me before then?" She knew where this question was going. Felt the time drawl out as if it were ending all over again. She knew there was pain and devastation. It felt as in as inevitable as Lake Silencio.

There was always hidden time. Her Doctor had it stored away, tucked in a corner and his pockets for rainy days. He wriggled out of the end of universe more times than any person could ever know. Her clever Doctor always scared the life and heart out of her, but he always-_always_ brought it back. River couldn't stop her lips from moving. "Doctor. Please tell me you know who I am."

"Who are you?" Everything inside her, all at once, broke. Those words and their finality reverberated through her. This was the end. The pain carved through her, etching and aching. The agony hunted down her most cherished memories and tender thoughts and shattered them ruthlessly. He turned away as a distant alarm sounded. Disorientated and fragmented, only one thought remained: _Hide the damage._ As everyone moved towards the alarming monitor, River silently swept up the pieces of her self.


	2. The Burden of the Companions

"I'm gonna need a packed lunch."

There was no hesitation. "Hang on." River ran to her bag. Through the countless adventures and dangers, River's instincts were honed to giving the Doctor what he needed. Once when she was young and he was old, she asked questions. The memory knocked air out of her. A single cruel moment: wrapping her hand around his stupid bowtie. _"What am I doing?" "As you're told."_ Memories were barbed little things. Her hand trembled as she recalled the smooth fabric twining around her knuckles, so she gripped the journal tightly, focusing on now and doing as she was told.

"What's in that book?" He asked. She could feel his eyes trying to burn through her, trying to understand.

River kept her eyes trained down at her task. "Spoilers." To look at him, to see that he couldn't see her for who she was, was like being carved and gutted to an empty shell. Every time, it was difficult to step away from the edge of despair to be what he needed now.

"Who are you?"

The words slammed against her high defenses. Words. Any words tumbled out. "Professor River Song, University of—"

"To me. Who are you to me?"

She had floated in deep space. The cold of it drained your warmth so quickly that the numbness burned across your skin. The emptiness of it snatched your breath, leaving you gasping on nothingness. She had leapt out into that blank, deadly space countless times because his arms were always on the other end. How fitting then, that his naïve words now could toss her floating into her own personal abyss. She sighed, trying to remember that she _could_ breathe—even if the task felt impossible. "Again, spoilers." She handed him the box, avoiding looking too long at his eyes. "Chicken, and a bit of salad. Knock yourself out." He held her gaze, though. When he finally stood, she needed all of her willpower to keep from shutting down to stop the pain.

River closed her eyes, trying to center her emotions and return to the present when the past was nipping so painfully at her. Her mind wouldn't release her though; in her effort to shut out the past, her mind raced to the future. _There is nothing of you and him after this. This is the last of everything._ Her thoughts taunted her. Her Doctor hated endings, and now, faced with theirs: she shared the hatred with every fiber of her being. Yet, she couldn't tear out the last page for this book. She was living it; Their finite words together rushing to a fixed end.

When all of the hurt became only just bearable, she stood. She stood because she was Melody Pond, her mother's daughter, unwilling and unable to surrender to defeat. She stood because she was Melody Williams, her father's daughter, willing and able to do anything for love. She stood because she was River Song, the Doctor's wife, and he needed her to stand.

She watched the Doctor search, and his red-headed companion came to stand by her side. Her mother's strength flashed through her mind, and she held herself a little straighter. A painful and loving smile came to her lips. "You travel with him, don't you? The Doctor, you travel with him."

The woman's tone was defensive. "What of it?" River watched as curiosity overcame her wariness. "You know him, don't you?"

The questions were a little easier when they weren't from him. A dark humor came over her. "Oh, God, do I know that man. We go way back, that man and me. Just not this far back." River tried so hard to keep her tone light, but the longing crept in like the shadows around them.

"I'm sorry—what?"

"He hasn't met me yet. I sent him a message but it went wrong, it arrived too early. This is the Doctor in the days before he knew me." River returned her gazed, fixed but unseeing, on the Doctor. The red-headed companion floated in her periphery like the ghost of Amelia Pond. "And he looks at me, he looks right through me and it shouldn't kill me, but it does." The words rushed out of her like a confession, trying to ease the ache.

"What are you talking about? Are you just talking rubbish? Do you know him or don't you?" Her tone was sharp and angry.

From beneath a table, the Doctor's words floated back to them. "Donna! Quiet! I'm working."

River's world tilted. Donna Noble: the companion that rose to become the keystone of the universe. Her pain ebbed slightly as she stared incredulously at this woman that was so influential in shaping the man that would be her Doctor. "Donna? You're Donna? Donna Noble?

"Yeah. Why?" Donna asked.

"I do know the Doctor. But in the future. His personal future." The words came quickly because River felt the enormity of what she owed this woman for her sacrifice. The future that Donna Noble would save would be the one River chased the Doctor in.

Donna regarded her quizzically. "So why don't you know me? Where am I in the future?"

Pity overwhelmed River, and she felt a strange link with the countless human whispers in the Doctor's life. Each had their own unique flavor of agony and loss. Yet future Donna—she was destined to forget. The price for her bravery was her memories. River's heart cinched, and she clung to the pain her memories inflicted. At least she still had _them_...for now.

The Doctor's words called her back, and they ran. She reached for his hand as always, and they ran together. At least when they ran, the pain was kept at bay. River only feared when they inevitably stopped.

* * *

Author's Note: Since there was such a positive response and requests to continue, I've decided to extend the writing through SitL and FotD. Enjoy and thanks so much for the reviews and favorites.


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